You are entirely up to you.

I’ve called my first blog post ‘You are entirely up to you.’ because the last few months i’ve come to realise its perfectly fine to do what i wanna do and not worry about what other people think or say.  Its the quote i currently live by, i spent far too long doing things to make people happy, and i decided no, i’m the one that needs to be happy.

When i say far too long doing things to make others happy, i mean i was in a three year relationship with someone who i’d constantly try to make happy and nothing was ever good enough. I mean i spent three years avoiding wearing nail varnish or lipstick because he wouldn’t hold my hand, or kiss me. I gave up all my beliefs and did things he wanted to do, now anyone who knows me, will know i’m scared of rollercoasters and airplanes, i went to multiple theme parks and on a airplane for that cunt and look where that got me, dumped for my ex best friends foster sister, who i’ll add wears lipstick and has fake nails, two things he said he hates. I will say since he dumped me, by phone call on one of my 14 hour shifts, i’ve had the best 6 months of my life, i’ve found myself and i actually love who i am. My friend showed me a photo a couple of days ago of how my ex and his lady love look now, and this was my reaction, ‘jesus fucking christ, what has she done to him, turned him into a little boy.’ hes had all his hair cut off and must of shrunk or shes gone fucking massive… but as Dr Dre famously said ‘Bitches aint shit’

So, i’m sorry i tend to go into a rambly mode when i’m ranting about the god damn shrek and fiona. Anyways, the past 6 months, i’ve found myself and i realised that the person i was pretending to be, ain’t nothing to the person i actually am.  I’ve had some funny moments, some sad moments, some lovely moments and a couple of embarrassing moments. I tried so hard when i had my heartbroken at the beginning of the year, to guard it the best i can, thats not me though, i’m more of a all in or not at all kinda gal. I have to give everything i have or theres no point in having anything at all. Now i’m not gonna pretend i’m all happy about being single, you know them girls that get broke up with and the next day they’re all ‘OMG GUYS LOVE MY SINGLE LYF XX’  i bloody hate it at times, i miss the cuddle side of things, the sex side of things is a whole different story, but i miss the having a best friend and a lazy day where you can chill and just talk shit, but on the other hand i’m having so much fun being a little thwot, i’ve got my main boys i talk to regular, two are god damn brothers, i don’t know how i’m pulling that off. My mother and stepdad have lost track of their names i have to prep them before they come round.

Right i’ll do more blog posts about my major dating adventure.

until next time

T. x

(i was gonna put ‘as you were’ but i dont wanna sound like liam gallagher)


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